When I was a junior in high school,
I bought succulents. I had heard
They were easier to take care of because
They’re “low maintenance.”
They were pretty flowers that I could have.
So, I bought them with my mother’s money,
Made a little place
In the little space there was
In our little apartment.
If I could survive here, so can they, right?
But, they wilted.
I tried giving them
I thought this was supposed to be easy.
But, one by one, petals
Dried and fell apart.
But, I didn’t want to throw them away,
But, I didn’t understand how to take care of them.
Did I really try my best?
I was so busy.
But, so are bees. How do they do it?
My fault? Did the succulents
Give up? Was it
Just not meant to be? Who’s to
Blame for death that’s seemingly natural until
It happens to you? I
Stopped having plants after that.
In college, I gifted succulents to a friend.
Maybe, they could better take care of them.
She seemed capable,
Liked the color green,
Yet, also, could not keep up with the inevitable.
I’ve met Plant People.
And, I’m jealous.
How do I do that, too?
I don’t trust myself.
Only, five years later, did I even look up the succulents’ names:
Echeveria elegans and
I read The Little Prince the year prior to the original purchase. I should’ve
They’re native to different hemispheres. I should’ve
I just remembered that I used to snap off petals to satiate
Some fleeting desire for destruction. I should’ve
I can’t trust myself.
Meet the Author
Amber Jane Sayoc
Asian American Studies
"Amber likes making Spotify playlists, reading webtoons, and watching anime. Her go-to order at Blenders is red banana with soy milk and total supplement. In her post-grad planning journey, she currently is trying to figure out how to better believe in herself and her writing. She's worn several hats in KP: Co-Chair, political chair, FIERCE mentor, PCN marketing coordinator, PGRAD intern. Feel free to message her questions, comments, or compliments (LOL) because she loves words of affirmation and quality time. "
Visit Amber's personal website here.